A few weeks ago I wrote about my experience with anxiety. It’s a fairly new concept to me and so it’s not something I’ve been able to get on board with 100% yet. I visited my GP and he was wonderful. We spoke & he prescribed me a minimal dosage Anti-Depressant. It’s been almost 8 weeks on them now and despite there being a few minor improvements, nothing else has really gotten any better.
My sleep issues have certainly become a less frequent problem and most nights I am able to fall asleep without too much time spent staring at the ceiling. As well as this I have found that my emotions have been kept much more at bay. I could usually cry several times a day, at adverts, tv shows, my son smiling… you name it! But I’ve found that since starting this course of medication, that this isn’t really happening that often, which if I’m being completely honest has made me really sad.
WEIGHING IT UP
I didn’t want help to fix that part of me. I’ve lived comfortably with that aspect of my personality for years now and it was a part of me that my husband and my family often found the most endearing. I feel like it was the compassionate part of me that displayed my emotional side so openly, and now I feel like I’m losing that.
The part I wanted to get rid of, the heart-wrenching, gut-wrenching, soul-wrenching pain and anxiety, is still there… Lesser so… But still holding on with both hands in the dark background of my mind. I just wonder if I go back to my GP and tell him this, that he will want to increase my dosage and I will not only have given in to my anxiety entirely, but I’ll lose every emotional aspect of my personality!
How do you know what to do in a situation like that? Is it my overall mental well-being that is the priority or the parts of my brain that make me who I am??? I honestly don’t know… And it is such a conflict and inner turmoil I feel right now.