I’ve not posted one of these for a few weeks now, and surprisingly it’s not been for lack of the ridiculous (and ever growing) thoughts I’ve had swirling around my head. Really it’s because I’ve been playing host to an awful lot more negativity than usual and I didn’t want to put that out into the universe. Alas… I suppose it’s better out than in…
I’m on week 5 of anti-depressants to treat my Anxiety Disorder and P.T.S.D, and whether it’s this or not I don’t know, but I have been having the weirdest and most vivid dreams. One in particular has been a recurring episode for a few years now, that seems to rear its ugly head every time the news pops up with some sort of terrorist attack, which terrifyingly is becoming ever more frequent.
What I’ve noticed is that before I could keep these thoughts 90% contained in my brain and when I woke up in the morning I would shrug it off and tell myself that I had to just get on with it. It’s never going to happen to me.
But I just can’t do that anymore. I have a son who I truly fear to take outside my front door. He is already a vulnerable child in the sense that he doesn’t understand his surroundings at the best of times… But I honestly fear that these atrocities are creeping ever closer to what I deem my safe haven, and it fills me with dread for my child’s future.
This is deep and dark I know… But it’s what I feel and fear for.
Am I the only one that feels like this?!?!