This is a fairly new concept to me. Yes I have always been a nervous and worrisome person, but generally my thoughts and feelings were never so deep that I felt they were outwith my control… If that makes sense.
It’s only really been in the last 18 months that this “fog” has made its way into my brain and reserved a spot.
Lots has happened and therefore I know why it came in the first place, I just don’t know how to get rid of it… Or even just to keep it at bay!
I worry about little things, like they’re important.
I cry all the time, for no good reason, sometimes as often as 4 or 5 times a day.
I go to bed completely exhausted, with my eyes held open with match sticks, but still I can’t sleep.
On the rare occasion where I do sleep, I’m often woken by the same nightmare.
My brain is in constant overdrive!
Having my son in my life has been the most wonderful and equally, the most isolating experience. I’ve felt extreme happiness and debilitating sadness in the same 24 hours… But the worst thing is the anger… I live with the most intense anger in the pit of my stomach. Anger at myself for having absolutely no control over the way I feel.
I’ve found that writing this blog has been therapeutic… A way for me to get rid of all the words building up in my brain… even if they don’t make much sense. But other than that I’ve got nothing.
I think after digging my heels in for this long I will finally have to succumb to my husbands demands and talk to my GP. It’s not ideal, but it’s something.
I love Instagram and have recently discovered the beautiful @CandiceBrathwaite (You HAVE to follow her) and she is a QUEEN! She does a series on Instagram Stories called ‘Teatime’ and in this she chooses a topic and talks frankly about it. This lady has been a God send for me recently and seems to just cover thoughts and feelings that I am having as if she’s reading my mind…
“PARKED CARS DON’T HURT PEOPLE BUT PARKED EMOTIONS DO.
NOTE HOW YOU FEEL AND LEARN HOW TO HEAL”